We are all in this world trying to figure out what life is and trying to get the best out of it in the manner we seem the best. Some hold on to things tightly, some to people and some to experiences. There are people who are trying to gain more and more every day and are still not happy, some who are completely okay with what they are and how they are, there are people who might have a lot of optimism left with no matter the circumstances and there are people who have given up hope even though there are all possibilities of achieving or getting what they want.
It’s weird how many of us just keep going without giving ourselves the right to be scared and fail. I personally am someone who has been very hard on myself for not trying hard enough when I had the chance, or not doing things when I had the time, I have been hard on myself on some many levels that today, I don’t remember a time when I was at peace and was carefree, even for an hour.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. I like the way I am wired, I like trying to be better at things and trying to achieve all that I want, but sometimes, just sometimes, when I look at my friends and a few people my age, I think why can’t I be a little more carefree, why do I always have to keep worry and maybe I would have been a lot happier if I was a little less me. At the very same time, my mind tells me, c’mon, there are kids out there who are running companies, look at those friends who have done so much, they studied harder, they got better grades, they work all week etcetera, etcetera.
I am a person who is constantly torn between what I want. Sometimes I am someone who wants to work incredibly hard and achieve so much, and on the other hand I am someone who wants to just ‘let her hair down’ and have a little fun in life, forget about of this and enjoy, travel, live a little more. I agree I can do both and it’s all about striking the right balance, but what about the fact that it’s easier said than done?
The more I think about the various things and experiences I have missed out on and the various things that I am yet to do, the more I am stressed up and worried. But may be its time I accept the fact that life isn’t about perfect grades and perfect job and it’s not even living the crazy life and experiences, may be life is all about giving yourself the liberty to be scared, to be doubtful and to be a little, a little stressed.
May be life is about taking and giving up control at the same time. Trying controlling your thoughts and actions to get what you want and letting go the need to control the things you cannot happen.
In the phase of life, where I currently am, I believe that this is just the beginning of being torn, right now my feet have just touched the water, I am yet to encounter the depths and so is everyone I compare myself to. So maybe, what I and may be all the others that are going through a similar phase, need to let go a little and catch on a little at the same time.
Also, know that the definition of life is going to change and we need to be fine with it.